Emma Jacob has always known she was adopted.
There was never a moment where her parents sat her down for a big, life-altering conversation. No dramatic reveal. No confusion about her identity. It was simply part of her story—spoken about openly, positively, and from the very beginning.
And because of that, adoption was never something she had to “process” later in life. It was something she grew up with—something that was normalized.
A Beginning Marked by Uncertainty—and Choice
Emma’s story began with uncertainty. Born to a mother struggling with substance use and without consistent prenatal care, there were many unknowns about what her life might look like. A family who had initially planned to adopt her ultimately backed out at the last moment, unsure of the potential medical challenges.
At the same time, miles away, Emma’s parents—one of the first lesbian couples in Los Angeles to pursue adoption through an agency in the early 1990s—received a call in the middle of the night. They were told the truth: this baby could be born with complications. There were risks. There were unknowns.
Their response was simple. They said yes.
As Emma shares, their perspective was rooted in unconditional love: anything could happen to any child at any time—and that would never change how deeply they loved them. Emma wasn’t a risk to weigh. She was a child to welcome.
Growing Up Known and Chosen
Emma doesn’t remember a time when she didn’t know she was adopted—and that made all the difference. In her home, adoption was never framed as something to hide or tiptoe around. It was something to celebrate. Her parents often reminded her: we chose you. That message became foundational to how Emma saw herself—not as someone who was “given up,” but as someone who was intentionally and deeply wanted.
While other children sometimes tried to use her adoption as a way to tease or isolate her, it never held power. The security and affirmation she experienced at home shaped her resilience.
“When it’s always been part of your story,” Emma explains, “it doesn’t feel like something that makes you different in a negative way. It’s just…you.”
Her experience highlights something important: when adoption is normalized early, it removes the weight of secrecy and replaces it with stability and trust.
Why Normalizing Adoption Matters
In her work today, Emma often sees adoptive parents wrestle with the question: When should we tell our child they’re adopted? How do we bring it up?
Her answer is rooted in lived experience. Tell them from the beginning.
When adoption is treated as a normal, open part of a child’s story, it doesn’t become a defining “moment” later on—it becomes a natural part of their identity. Waiting can unintentionally create feelings of confusion, betrayal, or difference.
For Emma, there was no “before” and “after.” There was only truth, consistency, and love.
Turning Experience Into Purpose
Emma always knew she wanted to work with children—but it took time to find the right path. After studying sociology and working as a medical social worker, she realized her passion was leading her somewhere more personal. She wanted to support youth who came from situations like her own.
Today, Emma serves youth and families through her work at Koinonia, where she brings both professional training and personal understanding into every interaction. Her lived experience allows her to connect with youth in a way that goes beyond words. Many of the young people she works with have experienced instability, multiple placements, and a revolving door of social workers. Trust is hard-earned. Connection isn’t guaranteed. But sometimes, a shared experience can open a door.
When appropriate, Emma is able to say: I understand, at least in part. I’ve been there too. That doesn’t solve everything—but it creates a moment of connection that can be incredibly powerful.
Holding Both Realities
Emma is quick to acknowledge that her story is not the same as every child in foster care. She was welcomed immediately into a safe, stable, and loving home. That is not the reality for many of the youth she serves. That awareness is what fuels her work.
She sees her role as part of the bridge—helping children move from hard places into environments where they can begin to heal and feel secure. Even small moments of stability, consistency, and care can have lasting impact. What some might view as difficult beginnings, Emma has reframed as purpose.
“I can take the parts of my story that could have been negatives,” she shares, “and turn them into something that helps someone else.”
Why Koinonia
Emma’s journey to Koinonia wasn’t just about finding a job—it was about finding the right place to do this work. After a discouraging experience at another agency, she questioned whether foster care social work was truly where she belonged. But through connection, timing, and a leap of faith, she found her way to Koinonia—where she has now been for over three years. Here, she found something different: support, stability, and a team aligned with her values. It became more than a workplace. It became a place where her passion could take root and grow.
A Story That Shapes the Work
Emma’s story is a powerful reminder that adoption doesn’t have to be something hidden or complicated. When it’s approached with honesty, openness, and love, it can become a source of strength and identity.
The way we talk about adoption, the way we support families, and the way we walk alongside youth—those things shape outcomes.
If you’ve ever considered fostering or adopting, or want to learn how you can support children and families in your community, we invite you to take that next step. Whether it’s opening your home, offering encouragement, or simply learning more—you can be part of a story that changes a life.
Kaitlin Earnest, Contributor