Valerie and Bryan’s journey as Koinonia foster parents has been one of love, compassion, and a deep desire to make a difference. After starting their family with two biological children, they felt called to open their home to children in foster care. Over the years, they’ve embraced fostering and adoption as opportunities to provide stability, support, and love—not just to the children in their care but also to their families. Today, as adoptive parents and respite care providers, Valerie and Bryan remain dedicated to making a lasting impact in the lives of others.
When Valerie and Bryan were dating, they talked about the possibility of adopting one day, but weren’t sure how they wanted to go about it. After they got married, they had two biological children. Bryan was in the military, and once he transitioned out, they decided to wait until their biological kids were a bit older and their lives more settled before pursuing adoption.
In 2020, Valerie, Bryan, and their two kids moved to San Diego—just as everything shut down due to Covid. The kids were around four and eight years old at the time, and that’s when Valerie and Bryan seriously started considering adoption. Valerie had been following some adoptees on social media and felt drawn toward the idea of foster care. They decided to become foster parents with the mindset of providing a stable home, and if a child needed permanency, they would be there to provide it. But they decided their primary focus was mainly to be there for the kids who needed them in the moment.
Over time, Valerie and Bryan fostered a few children. Two little ones were reunited with their families, and they cared for an 18-month-old for two and a half months. They also fostered a one-year-old for a short time. Their original plan was to foster children between the ages of zero to five, keeping them younger than their biological kids. They got a call about a five-week-old baby girl and ended up adopting her in May after fostering her for over two years.
Earlier this year, in February, her biological brother, who was five months old at the time, needed care as well. He’s now also with Valerie and Bryan! He just turned one, and they are on track to adopt him as well.
Valerie told us about their experience when they first met their daughter. She was so tiny when they got her at five weeks old—she didn’t even fit in the car seat! Valerie received the phone call while she was at work, and left to go pick her up. Caring for an infant was wonderful for Valerie and Bryan, but it was also heartbreaking. Valerie kept thinking about how tiny this baby girl was, and how she couldn’t imagine her own kids being taken away at that age. The period, while difficult, was also incredibly sweet– she was so small and cuddly, and it was special getting to watch her grow from such a young age.
Soon after, when their new daughter’s little brother came into their care, it was bittersweet. He was five and a half months old, and it was hard knowing that his biological parents were also unable to care for him. On the other hand, it was exciting knowing that these two siblings would be together!
Valerie says, “Our older two kids adored her and babied her all the time, so I was a bit nervous about how she’d react to her brother. But she bonded with him so quickly—it was beautiful to see. She immediately started calling him ‘brother,’ showering him with kisses and affection. That instant bond they shared is something I’ll never forget—it was such a beautiful and heartwarming moment. They are true siblings, and she absolutely loves him. Watching that relationship form has been such a joy.”
Recently, Valerie and Bryan have been able to help other families by providing respite care. Even though their family feels complete in some ways, they can’t imagine just stopping and saying, “We’re done.” “There are so many kids still in need, and I think we’ll always feel compelled to be part of that support system, whether through fostering older children later on or helping other foster families.” Now, they’ve been talking about how else they can help. They have an extra master bedroom and have considered taking in a teen who’s having a baby, to help break those generational cycles and offer support. “We’re still thinking about how we can make a difference in other ways, helping people where they’re at so they don’t have to go down the same difficult path.”
Beyond just caring for the children, Valerie & Bryan have also learned how to love their families, too, as those families are going through unimaginable hardships.
“If you’re not ready to love and support the entire family, fostering might not be for you. I’m incredibly grateful that we learned early on to love the whole family and not just the child. This process would have been so much harder if we hadn’t embraced that mindset. I’ve made it a point to be present at every visit with the biological family, so I can build an actual relationship with them. It humanizes them beyond the court hearings, where you only hear the negatives, and it helps them see me as someone who’s here to support, not someone who’s taken their child. Those relationships haven’t always been easy, but they’ve been meaningful and important.”
Fostering isn’t just about growing your family through adoption; it’s about growing your heart and your capacity for compassion in ways you never imagined. It opens your world to both the hard and the amazing things. Even after children have left Valerie and Bryan’s home, they’ve stayed in touch with the parents, exchanged pictures, sent birthday presents, and maintained connections. Because, in Valerie’s words, “It’s about more than just the time they’re with us.”
Thank you, Valerie and Bryan, for opening your hearts and home to children and families in need. Your dedication to fostering, adoption, and supporting others on their journey is truly inspiring. By sharing your story, you’ve reminded us all of the profound impact compassion and connection can have. We are so grateful for the difference you continue to make in the lives of so many.
Kaitlin Earnest, Contributor