Fostering teens is an urgent need that is often overlooked, despite the fact that older youth represent over 27% of children in foster care. Statistics show that only 56% of teenagers are placed with families, while many age out of the system without ever finding a permanent home. This gap is partly due to the stigma surrounding teens, who are often perceived as difficult or troubled. However, these young people like any other kid, need stability, guidance, and love to thrive. By stepping up to foster a teen, families can make a life-changing impact, offering the support and care that can help them navigate the critical transition into adulthood. Addressing the misconceptions and recognizing the potential in these young individuals is key to meeting this dire need.
We had the privilege of talking to Lori Dunn, a former foster parent through Koinonia, about her experience fostering teens, the need for families to help teenagers make the transition into adulthood, and how teens are just kids who need stability and love just like younger children.
She and her husband currently have a 14-year-old daughter at home, initially placed with them through Koinonia as a foster child when she was 5. They also fostered 4 teenage boys and have adopted 3 of them as young adults.
What is your favorite thing about teenagers?
“Teenagers can be so much fun! They are able to participate in activities with the adults in their lives on a somewhat even level and can even teach us things. They love to know more than us, and we have benefitted from their knowledge as they fix our computers and cars and share their music and teen lingo with us. Conversations with teenagers can last for hours late at night. They want to share their lives, their hearts and their concerns with someone. They love having someone who will just listen to them. It’s fun helping them get ready for dances, watching them learn new things, helping them with job and college applications and watching them grow more and more hopeful for their futures.”
What, in your opinion, is the biggest difference between fostering a teenager and fostering a toddler/young child?
“Most teenagers come with a history that their social worker can fill you in on. With little ones, we can sometimes be surprised by how their trauma is manifested. While most young ones are feeling the trauma of, often recently, being removed from their bio families, the teens we have welcomed into our family have been struggling to take care of themselves for a long time and have been grateful for the help and support of a stable loving home.”
What has been a favorite moment with the teens you have fostered?
“All of our kids are unique, so we have had a gamut of favorite moments. Most of them involve watching our teens feel pride in something they have accomplished or just seeing a look of pure joy on their faces.”
How emotionally ready are teenagers to take care of themselves/be considered “adults”?
“Our teens had been trying to do a lot independently, and were relieved to be given a chance to be kids at our house. They have chores and expectations, but they also know they have regular meals and a safe place to sleep which enables them to relax and enjoy life in a new way. I think all teens and young adults are more likely to embrace adulthood and be successful when they know they have a ‘safety net’…a family that will be there for them when life throws them challenges. Without that, life can feel overwhelming and failing at something can be a disaster.”
How can a foster parent best support their foster teenager?
“Be there for them, love them, work with them, play with them, encourage them, forgive them, challenge them, cheer for them.”
“Be there for them, love them, work with them, play with them, encourage them, forgive them, challenge them, cheer for them.”
We believe and are advocating for the fact that teenagers are kids. How has this played into your experience with being an adult/caregiver in a teen’s life?
“Our teenage boys were just that…boys! They were silly and rambunctious and utterly unprepared for adulthood. There were things they had never learned: the months of the year, how to set the table, floss their teeth, mow the lawn, cook something that didn’t go in the microwave. They were funny and playful and liked us to be involved with them. I think the most important thing our teens have gained from us is knowing that they have a family and understanding that means we love them and are here for them. Now as adults, they come home for holidays, and come over to use our washer or dryer, or get help with a cover letter. They call when they are excited and when they need help.”
“When you give a teen a home, you are giving them hope. Some of these teens are burdened with so many worries and responsibilities and resource parents can take some of the load off of them and give them a chance to just be kids.”
“When you give a teen a home, you are giving them hope.”
Thank you, Lori & Michael. We are deeply grateful for your incredible commitment to fostering teens. Your kindness and dedication have provided them with not just a home, but hope and a sense of belonging. Thank you for opening your hearts and home to make a lasting difference in their lives.
Kaitlin Earnest, Contributor