A & S’s relationship began in 2019, and by the end of the year, they were already discussing their future together. Early on, they both knew adoption would be part of their family’s journey. After facing challenges with biological pregnancy, they decided to focus entirely on adoption. Their story is a testament to their commitment to building a family, and their journey reflects the love, intention, and support that has shaped their lives together.
For S, adoption has always been important. She’s the eldest of three, and when her parents unexpectedly became pregnant with her youngest brother, they had been far along in the process of adopting a third child. Her parents always carried that missed connection in their hearts, and that left a big impression on S. By A & S’s third date, they were talking about kids. A had been through a previous marriage where he had wanted children, but his ex-wife didn’t. For A & S, it was clear they both wanted kids and were both committed to making adoption a part of their family..
After they married in 2021, they started trying for a biological child. S became pregnant quickly, but sadly, she miscarried. After six months of trying without success, they saw a fertility specialist and discovered that both A & S carry the cystic fibrosis gene, which would put any biological child at high risk. So, they shifted their focus entirely to adoption. They had initially planned to have one biological child and adopt their second, so the decision was difficult but ultimately aligned with their goals.
They began the adoption process with the help of close friends who had both biological and adopted children. Their guidance on agencies and the process was invaluable. From the start of the paperwork to A & S’s son’s birth, the entire journey took around 18 months, with 10 months from going live to their match with their son. They kept their preferences wide open—A & S are a mixed-race family (A is half Greek and half Syrian, and S is Indian), so race and ethnicity weren’t factors for them. They felt prepared for various potential challenges and only set limits based on their experience with cystic fibrosis, preferring to avoid it if known.
Their son was born in January of this year in Nebraska. They were matched just after Thanksgiving in 2023, which didn’t leave much time to prepare before his arrival. He was born two weeks early, and the call came when S’s brother, his wife, and kids were visiting. So, A & S threw what they could into bags and caught a flight to Nebraska—right in the middle of winter.
Their son’s birth was an unforgettable experience. His birth mother had been due on January 19, but around noon on January 3, they got a call from her mom, A & S’s son’s biological grandmother, saying she had been admitted. They rushed to pack, booked a 5:15 PM flight, and made it to LAX, only to find out their connecting flight was canceled due to a winter storm. They rebooked through Dallas, where S’s parents live, and stayed there for the night, managing only a couple of hours’ sleep.
Around 1:00 AM, in S’s childhood bedroom, they got a FaceTime call from their son’s biological grandmother, and were able to watch their son’s birth over video. A shared, “It was surreal and beautiful to be there, breathing along with her and sharing in that moment from afar. By morning, we caught our flight to Nebraska, rented a car, and drove straight to the hospital. The hospital staff was fantastic, even setting up a room for us right next to the birth mother’s, so we could stay close by. They treated us like birth parents, making everything feel much more comfortable.”
The process wasn’t all smooth. Their son’s birth mother was understandably emotional and exhausted, facing the weight of her decision. There were moments when she considered changing her mind, especially with her mom giving her the space to reflect. S, in particular, spent a lot of time talking with her and offering support. It was a vulnerable and nerve-wracking few days for everyone.
Their son was born on a Tuesday, and by Friday, they moved to an Airbnb nearby, as they had to stay in Nebraska for two weeks before they could legally return home with him. His birth mother signed the paperwork, but when Monday came, A & S found out it had been filed incorrectly, requiring her to sign again. This led to another round of reflection for her, which was difficult for everyone. A & S were falling in love with their son more each day, and the uncertainty was tough to bear.
Thankfully, the biological mother invited A & S to her parents’ house for the second signing, wanting their support. The paperwork went through, and though those days were tense, they felt grateful for the strength of their connection with her and her family.
A & S agreed on an open adoption. They plan to have annual visits, but are leaving the timing and specifics up to their son’s biological mother, assuming she’ll want to see him as he grows. They set up a private online family album that includes her, along with A & S’s immediate family and a few close aunts and uncles, where they regularly post pictures of their son. Although they haven’t heard from her directly in a couple of months, it’s clear she’s staying connected to their son through this passive interaction, which seems to work well for her right now.
Neither A or S grew up in LA, so with their family far away, the idea of a chosen family has always been really important to them. This became even more significant during Covid, when they couldn’t see their families, and they grew even closer with a few local friends and their kids, becoming deeply involved in each other’s lives.
“The chosen family concept has become part of who we are, especially as we’ve built our family through adoption. It’s something that’s spread throughout our extended family, too. For instance, S’s eight-year-old niece often incorporates adoption into her play, making one of her Lego characters adopted. It’s amazing to see how naturally it’s been embraced by everyone—it’s now just part of who we all are,” shared A.
“This journey has reinforced for me that parenting will take intentional effort—not ‘work’ exactly, but care and mindfulness. We want him to feel part of this bigger picture that includes his Greek, Syrian, and Indian roots, but also fully honors his identity as a Black person. It’s made me appreciate even more the role of community and the idea that raising a child really does take a village. For us, it’s about building a diverse and supportive network to help him grow into a strong sense of self.”
As their son grows, A & S plan to be open with him about his adoption from a young age. They want it to be a natural part of his identity, especially since they will maintain a connection with his birth mother. Being intentional about his cultural identity is important as well. A & S are each very connected to their own cultures, and they want to make sure he’s equally in touch with his Black culture. Living in a predominantly Black neighborhood is one way they are fostering that connection, and they’re eager to make sure he grows up with strong ties to every part of his heritage.
“This journey has reinforced for me that parenting will take intentional effort—not ‘work’ exactly, but care and mindfulness. We want him to feel part of this bigger picture that includes his Greek, Syrian, and Indian roots, but also fully honors his identity as a Black person. It’s made me appreciate even more the role of community and the idea that raising a child really does take a village. For us, it’s about building a diverse and supportive network to help him grow into a strong sense of self.”
Adoption has been a transformative journey for A & S, deepening their appreciation for the meaning of family and community. Through the challenges and joys, they’ve learned that building a family takes intention, love, and the support of a strong, diverse network. They are excited to see their son grow and thrive, surrounded by a village that celebrates every part of who he is. Thank you, A & S, for sharing your hearts and your story with us!
Kaitlin Earnest, Contributor